04 May 2011 Leave a comment
The difference is amazing. It really is.
On Tuesday, I had a weird dream/nightmare. I woke up and was so terrified & distraught that I couldn't force myself to rollover and get out of bed. As a result, my sitting didn't happen. My day was okay, I guess but there was something unsettled about it.
This morning, I awoke and felt refreshed rolled over and got out of bed and I felt pretty good.
Zazen was especially restless. I stood up and was quite grumpy about my "bad" session.
Today hasn't been especially productive, so far In fact It's been quite the opposite. I'm not stressed about it, though.
I'm not looking to gain benefits from my sitting Practice while I'm doing it. When I sit, I just sit.
I don't count my breath. I don't do koan work (as I have no idea what that is, honestly). Though I am reading the Boundless Way edited Book of Mu, so maybe I'll get an idea?
I just sit and stare at a spot on my wall. Sometimes my mind is like a hurricane, all tempest and rolling thunder. Sometimes it's quieter like a summer storm. I've never hit still waters for more than a second or two before the tide turns, but it does happen now and again.
Out here, right now, am I still doing zazen??
Maybe I am.
My wife noted that I was complaining a bit much about something that our son did, by accident, after I was done sitting this morning.
Zazen let me shut my mouth.
I think that's the thing that happens most often is being able to just shut up.
No one else may notice it, but I do.