Where do I go from here?

I'm at a point I never expected to be.


And yet, because of the circumstance very little in my everyday life will change. My family will be what it will be.

However, ordinariness hurts me. This life no longer seems to be mine. It seems fake, now. Like there's a veneer covering up what's really going on.

I keep being told this will pass. WHAT will pass, exactly? My life? My feelings? What's going away?

What is there to go away? My wife keeps telling me that I need to let "it" out. What is it?

My mother things I need to move on and damn quick. My wife wants me to find a straight girl to love me like "I deserve."

I want neither of these things right now. 

I just want to be left alone, but not alone, never alone, never again.

I love her. I will continue to. Nothing in this world or any other will make that stop.

I have no idea what the future holds now. All plans are gone (even though they aren't). All aspirations are more vaporous than they have ever been.

I only have right now. 

Impermanence sucks. 

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