17 Sep 2010 Leave a comment
I don't feel well.
I feel like a jerk again.
I feel like I have upset someone whom I respect.
I feel like my blog isn't read. I feel like no one cares if I exist or cease to exist.
I feel fat.
I feel like a poor Buddhist.
I feel sorry for myself.
Why do I feel this way?
I want to feel GOOD.
I want to be nice and be perceived as nice.
I want people to like especially people I like and respect.
I want people to read my blog.
I want to feel loved.
I want to be thin and healthy.
I want to to NOT feel sorry for myself.
So I crave these things. As I crave, I create desire and when these desires are not met, I experience dukkha.
The answer is simple, but I can't face it.
The answer is profound, but I can't understand.
I read books. I sit sometimes, but not everyday. I have faith in the path.
One day the answer will be apparent and it will have been there all along.
Life is the ultimate koan.