Poor Little Me and my Inconsistant Practice

I don't feel well.
 
I feel like a jerk again.
 
I feel like I have upset someone whom I respect.
I feel like my blog isn't read. I feel like no one cares if I exist or cease to exist.
 
I feel fat.
 
I feel like a poor Buddhist.
 
I feel sorry for myself.
 
Why do I feel this way?
 
Grasping.
 
I want to feel GOOD.
 
I want to be nice and be perceived as nice.
 
I want people to like especially people I like and respect.
 
I want people to read my blog.
 
I want to feel loved.
 
I want to be thin and healthy.
 
I want to to NOT feel sorry for myself.
 
So I crave these things. As I crave, I create desire and when these desires are not met, I experience dukkha.
 
The answer is simple, but I can't face it.
 
The answer is profound, but I can't understand.
 
I read books. I sit sometimes, but not everyday. I have faith in the path.
 
One day the answer will be apparent and it will have been there all along.
 
Life is the ultimate koan.
 
Gassho.
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