27 Jul 2010 Leave a comment
So, I woke this morning and the theme from the Sopranos started up in my brain.
This is never a good way to start the morning.
I slept well. I don't feel sick. I just feel groggy, not tired just groggy.
Then after I manage to slog my way through my morning routine and finally make it to the communal kitchen we share with my parents it's full of people.
All of these people have no work to go to. One of them is retired and the other is off for the summer. They have no schedule that need be adhered to. They know that I have to leave for work by 8:10 to be on-time.
Yet, here they are, making a large breakfast and taking up what little space there is available in the first place.
My first reaction matched the bear. However, it never came out. It just passed me by. I'm aware that my brain howled in contempt and irritation, but for some reason I didn't get on the train.
I did squeak a bit when my 18 year old niece walks in and sits down at the one remaining seat at the table. I'm loath to evict my five-year-old so that I can sit and eat as he always perches anyways when there is a television on anywhere in the house. I'd rather there not be one, but that is a whole other story, of course.
I limited myself to one comment that I supposed that I would have to stand in the kitchen and eat since there was no place for me to sit. I tried to inject as much humor and light as possible as I nearly kept it from my lips and that was my mitigation of damages and bad karma at that last nanosecond.
My mother didn't seem to realize that I was irritated and she's very reactive to me. So maybe I was successful at making it seem a joke instead of the pressure release valve of agitation that it truly was.
So was I mindful? It seems like I was by automatic. Maybe all of this studying and writing and dribs and drabs of practices add up even though my daily practice is still a distant dream?